Learning to Manage Conflict in Relationships: Part IV
Welcome to Dr. D’Arienzo’s TwogetherinTexas Premarital Course! The course is virtually free for you based upon the big discount you will receive for your Texas marriage license by taking our $23.97 course, and you will avoid the three day wait. We here at D’Arienzo Psychology are excited to help you take this next step toward marital happiness and success, and want to help deepen your relationship with your future spouse.
Last week we explored Defensiveness, the third of the four horsemen to be aware of when learning how to manage conflict in marriage. Check out Part IV of what we have to say about Managing Conflict and marriage below:
The fourth of the four horsemen (belligerence is a term used by Gottman to describe a stronger form of contempt. Belligerence is also known as the cousin of the four horsemen). Gottman believed that “contempt” was the most dangerous of the horsemen and he found that “contempt in a relationship” was predictive of divorce in 86 percent of cases. “Contempt” can be described as any behavior which causes your partner to feel “put down”. The effects of communicating with contempt can be severe. Contempt involves treating others disrespectfully and making fun of them with sarcasm and condescending. The same goes for insulting humor, calling someone names, imitating, and using sneering or eye-rolling as body language. Disdain in any form, especially moral, ethical, or characterological contempt, is harmful to a relationship because it communicates disgust and superiority. Examples include belittling your partner, treating them with disdain, eye rolling, sneering, insults, name calling, mocking and cynicism.
Contempt can be as simple as having disdain or disgust with your partner in how they chew gum, eat, drive, or snore at night. Warning signs of “contempt” include: You no longer feel admiration for your partner. It is difficult for you to remember your partner’s positive aspects. You feel that your partner has severe personality deficiencies. Antidotes for contempt include: Focus on your partner’s positive qualities. Use “time-out” when you recognize that the situation is becoming heated. Watch your tone and facial expressions. Focus on the behavior and not the person. Most importantly, gain an appreciation of where your partner is coming from. Often when we are able to put our partner’s behavior in context, we have a greater appreciation of the cause or causes of their behavior and as a result, better see that their behavior is about them rather than about us.
Taking a premarital education course is vital for equipped couples to share a lifetime of marital bliss and happiness. D’Arienzo Psychology wants to help you prepare for your life together. Dr. Justin D’Arienzo is our Board-Certified Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Expert. Dr. D’Arienzo has serviced this course to couples since 2013. Hundreds of couples recommend our course and claim that it has helped set a solid foundation for marital success. Research suggests that couples who take a premarital preparation course gain an advantage over couples that do not take a premarital preparation course.
Dr. D’Arienzo wanted to develop a fully efficient, online, fully automated, fun premarital course that teaches couples how to work together. Dr. D’Arienzo has perfected all of our exercises and information to ensure that couples gain the knowledge they need. He also offers this course to couples planning on tying the knot in Florida, Georgia, Texas, Tennessee, South Carolina, Oklahoma, and Minnesota.
Do you want to lead a happy marriage that lasts a lifetime? Do you want to have fun and gain inside knowledge about marriage from a leading psychologist? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then our TwogetherinTexas Online Premarital Education Course is right for you! You can learn more about our Texas Online Premarital Preparation Course Here.
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