TwogetherinTexas Online Course

Learning to Manage Conflict in Relationships: Part III

November 29, 2022 Dallas Texas Marriage License Discount Fort Worth and Dallas Texas Weddings Texas Premarital Preparation Course TwogetherinTexas 0

Welcome to Dr. D’Arienzo’s TwogetherinTexas Premarital Course! The course is virtually free for you based upon the big discount you will receive for your Texas marriage license by taking our $23.97 course, and you will avoid the three day wait. We here at D’Arienzo Psychology are excited to help you take this next step toward marital happiness and success, and want to help deepen your relationship with your future spouse.

Last week we explored Stonewalling, the second of the four horsemen to be aware of when learning how to manage conflict in marriage. Check out Part III of what we have to say about Managing Conflict and marriage below:

DEFENSIVENESS

The third of the four horsemen and a major offender in relationships is defensiveness. It is one of the most frequent behaviors that I observe in couples therapy when there is conflict. Defensiveness is best defined as self-protection in the form of righteous indignation or innocent victimhood to attempt to ward off a perceived attack. It is usually a counterattack to a complaint, which is not criticism. Defensiveness is often a reflex action to criticism or perceived criticism. Even though it can be perceived otherwise, sometimes there is no criticism but just feedback stated. However, the individual on the receiving end responds by blaming the other for doing the same thing, denies their responsibility in the matter or whines and makes an excuse for their behavior. Many people become defensive when they are being criticized, but the problem is that its perceived effect is blame. When the original speaker experiences the defensiveness from the receiver, they often feel invalidated and alone. This often causes the couple to become more distant. Antidotes to defensiveness are the following:

(1) Remind yourself that a relationship is about being part of a team (not two individuals working against each other).

(2) Rather than seeing your partner’s words as an attack, see them as strong expressions of feelings about the topic being discussed.

(3) Acknowledge that you are not perfect.

(4) Remind yourself of the positive qualities of your partner.

(5) Most importantly, take some responsibility for the feedback your partner is expressing. Don’t apologize for something you have not done. Accepting even 10 percent of the responsibility, if it is due, will de-escalate tension, improve communication, and build trust.

Despite the fact that you may be acting in your partner’s best interests, if they misunderstand your message, you risk inviting more trouble into the dilemma. Criticism may be met with a defensive reaction and a contemptuous statement, which may result in emotional withdrawal and stonewalling.

Stay tuned to learn about the last horseman: contempt

Taking a premarital education course is vital for equipped couples to share a lifetime of marital bliss and happiness. D’Arienzo Psychology wants to help you prepare for your life together. Dr. Justin D’Arienzo is our Board-Certified Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Expert. Dr. D’Arienzo has serviced this course to couples since 2013. Hundreds of couples recommend our course and claim that it has helped set a solid foundation for marital success. Research suggests that couples who take a premarital preparation course gain an advantage over couples that do not take a premarital preparation course.

Dr. D’Arienzo wanted to develop a fully efficient, online, fully automated, fun premarital course that teaches couples how to work together. Dr. D’Arienzo has perfected all of our exercises and information to ensure that couples gain the knowledge they need.  He also offers this course to couples planning on tying the knot in Florida, Georgia, Texas, Tennessee, South Carolina, Oklahoma, and Minnesota.

Do you want to lead a happy marriage that lasts a lifetime? Do you want to have fun and gain inside knowledge about marriage from a leading psychologist? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then our TwogetherinTexas Online Premarital Education Course is right for you! You can learn more about our Texas Online Premarital Preparation Course Here.

 

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